


I’ve Got a List of Songs I Can’t Listen To (And It’s All Because of You)

by NoBacksies



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Sad, Sibling Love, This is more hurt than comfort sorry guys, Title is from a Neon Trees song, i love them a lot, not beta read sorry, vanya deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18286610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoBacksies/pseuds/NoBacksies
Summary: Five enjoys listening to her play, and Vanya thinks of it as a pleasure to play for Five.Due to this, she had pledged to herself that she would master the violin.





	I’ve Got a List of Songs I Can’t Listen To (And It’s All Because of You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys!! I’ve binge-watched the first season of TUA (I know I’m kinda late lol), and I love it so much! 
> 
> This is my first fic of the fandom, and Vanya is my favorite character so far so I wrote a fic about her and Five! Gathering the things I’ve learned from the show, I think that Five and Vanya were really close back when they were children, so I kinda expanded my idea on that one with my own fic.
> 
> This is not beta-read! I apologize for that and for any mistakes! :)

She’s hurting. She’s always hurting. No one or nothing seems to sympathize with her.

Mom, maybe, but she’s (it’s?) merely programmed to do so. Pogo, yes. How could she have forgotten Pogo? He always made sure she was alright, and he kept her busy by introducing her to different worlds, from the piercing reality, to the ones governed by mythical creatures and beings, by various novels, and literary works. 

Vanya laughs bitterly at that remark. 

It truly astounds her to no end how a lifeless machine, and an anachronistically advanced primate seem to be more adept at the aspect of compassion and being human, than the ones she currently lives with.

Vanya always begged to be included, to be shown care and attention, like her other siblings.

_“I’m afraid there’s just nothing special about you, Number Seven.”_

These are words that she knows all too well. Familiar, yet it leaves a toxic ringing that resonates through her body, like an abusive home. 

These words plague her mind to no end, and seem to blend together to form a poisonous cacophony.

Seven cries, but no one is ever there to dry her tears. 

Except for Number Five. 

He was different. A good different. 

Beneath his snarky demeanor, there’s no doubt that he cares. 

Though he may seem condescending, it’s just his way of showing that he’s just looking out for you.

Number Five has been the only one to make an effort to even engage in full-length conversations with her. 

Vanya is definitely grateful beyond words, because for once, she didn’t feel all alone.

~

When Vanya practices her violin, Five always hangs around to watch her. 

One day, she flinches and gets out of focus when she hits a dissonant note, and timidly passes a glance at Five.

But Five just gave a tight smile, and nodded her to go on. 

Encouraged by this, she tried again, this time, correctly playing the piece. 

Five has always been to her practice sessions. He fully witnessed her journey, from humble beginnings of “Frère Jacques”, to even more intricate classical works, such as Tchaikovsky’s.

Five enjoys listening to her play, and Vanya thinks of it as a pleasure to play for Five.

Due to this, she had pledged to herself that she would master the violin. Her unspoken creed for Five. Like a prayer whispered at night.

~

Vanya later learns that Five really likes it when she plays “Nocturne” by Frédéric Chopin.

Five says that he feels complex emotions in the piece, therefore willing him to think. He also says that melody of the piece masquerades the longing, and sorrow in it.

So, when Five comes around her room, she plays it for him like a small, personal concert. 

Five sometimes whips out a notebook and solves a new mathematical formula, but most of the time he just listens and allows himself to get lost in the music, and Vanya couldn’t ask for a better audience. 

She played the piece in a loop, until Five fell asleep on her bed. Number Seven smiled, covered him with her blanket, and grabbed another sheet of music to practice with.

~

When Five disappeared, her only evidence of family and belongingness, she cried for days.

Her voice came off scratchy for some time from crying too long.

So much sorrow has filled her heart she even wondered why it hasn’t collapsed from the heavy weight.

Vanya would look out her window late at night, and when she sees a pre-teen boy pass through the street, she would get a closer look, but she’d end up disappointed to know that it wasn’t Five.

She would leave the lights on, and a sandwich, just in case he would come back.

Vanya always sleeps with tears on her pillow.

No one is there to watch her practice. No one is there to give her a tight smile and a nod. 

Five has been her reason to play, and now that he’s gone, she couldn’t even bring her fingers to run through the coarse leather of the instrument case.

Weeks after, Seven finally gathered the courage to take the violin out. 

It feels strange, yet so familiar, resting on her shoulder again. 

She continues to practice her pieces like normal.

Vanya would play whatever she liked, but she would never play “Nocturne”. 

It just didn’t feel right to play it without him there. 

(Also, she knows that she’ll cry her heart out once she does.)

-/-/-

Vanya tries to stop the tears, wiping it off with her hands.

She tries to make a reality check. Soon realizing that she’s in her run-down looking apartment, with disorganized objects strewn across the room. 

She tests her senses. 

She sees the fireplace absent of wood.

She hears the gentle rhythm of the crickets chirping.

She tastes the minty flavor of the toothpaste she has always used.

She smells the old, musty scent of books left to their devices because of disuse.

She feels the cold breeze skim through her like turning a page.

She wearily looks at the clock. It looks like it was taunting her of days long gone.

12:08 am.

She rises up the couch, and when she sees the violin, her breath stops. 

Vanya slowly walks towards the instrument, then rests it on her shoulder, putting herself on the correct stance.

With the bow on her hand, she played it. 

The piece Five loved so much.

The room started to fill with music embedded with a medley of hurt, grief, and longing.

Vanya willed herself to stop the tears from pouring out. She is playing this for Five, and she doesn’t want to mess it up.

When she finished playing, she gingerly places the violin back in its home.

Vanya sits on the couch once more, wiping a new batch of tears, the embers of an emotional fire.

Finally, with a low voice, she croaked:

“Did you like that one, Five?” 

She wouldn’t tell anyone else, but Vanya would talk to him like he was still there. 

Just like a whisper, a ghost of a touch. 

She couldn’t see him, but she knows he’s there.

_**She still believes...** _

**Author's Note:**

> Whew! That’s the first of many more I hope! 
> 
> Title is referenced from a Neon Trees song titled “Songs I Can’t Listen To”! I love Neon Trees and I thought I’d put a song as the title since it kind of fits with the fic!
> 
> I’d suggest you listen to it if you haven’t! :D  
> https://youtu.be/z0t1tpamBrQ
> 
> I hope you liked it guys! Tell me if you did! I love all of you! <3


End file.
